Page 25 - MidWeek - Dec 21, 2022

Increasingly, it seems, we’ ve become a society in which people feel the only solution for their dis- putes is to sue somebody. Anybody. Everybody. Which, I suppose, is better than re- solving disputes by bashing each other over the head with baseball bats.
PATERNITY WARD D. L. Stewart
Living In An Unconventional Legal World
But a case that has gone all the way to the Supreme Court sounds goofy. It involves a dispute over a dog toy that resembles a liquor bottle.
alcohol by volume.
The suee is VIP Products
crement and toys that appeal to children ... children need not drink whiskey to know that they enjoy playing with dog toys using Jack Daniel’s mark. When they see a real Jack Daniel’s bottle, they might be more inclined to consume its contents.”
for flagrant use of juvenile humor, the threat of a squeaky dog toy leading children stag- gering down the path to alco- holism is quite a stretch — even for lawyers — although not as stretched as some no- table civil cases:
But the dog toy dispute has been framed as a First Amendment issue. So, some- time next March the learned justices are scheduled to don their black robes and ear- nestly debate the question of squeaky dog toys that contain 43% poo.
The suer is the maker of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, whose label on its bottles identify it as “Old No. 7 Brand Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey,” that boasts 40%
LLC, which sells a dog toy whose label identifies it as Bad Spaniels Silly Squeaker, “The Old No. 2 on your Ten- nessee Carpet,” with contents that are “43% poo.”
• In 2011, a Connecticut woman sued her 8-year-old nephew for $127,000, claim- ing he hugged her so enthu- siastically she fell and broke her wrist.
If they can’t reach an agreement, they can always bash each other over the head with baseball bats.
Jack Daniel’s attorneys claim the toy “harms Jack Daniel’s brand, including by associating whiskey with ex-
While the makers of the fake Jack Daniel’s should face life in the electric chair
• In 2017, a 37-year-old Texas man sued his date, claiming she texted through- out the movie to which he
• In 2005, a Washington, D.C., judge dropped his suit off at a dry cleaner’s. When he picked it up, the pants were
took her. When she wouldn’t compensate him $17.31 for tickets (plus $4 for the pizza), he took her to small claims court.
missing. He sued for $67 mil- lion.
• In 2015, a Colorado in- mate filed an $88 billion law- suit against National Football League officials for an over- turned call in a Dallas Cow- boys game.
None of those cases reached Supreme Court level while it’s been busy address- ing issues such as, you know, abortion, religious liberty and stuff.
DECEMBER 21, 2022 MIDWEEK 25
In 2011, a Connecticut woman sued her 80-year-old nephew for $127,000, claiming he hugged her so enthusiastically she fell and broke her wrist.
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