Page 26 - MidWeek - March 30, 2022

MARCH 30, 2022 MIDWEEK 25
I’m a 20-something single woman. I just moved to a new city where I don’t
Scared To Shake The Shyness
If you are looking for a relaxed and friendly cat, look no further. Fanta is a sweet 11-month-old cat who came to Hawaiian Humane Society at the beginning of March. He loves to relax in the sunlight and enjoys the occasional cuddle. He is very affectionate with people and is also great around other animals.
Fanta loves to show his belly and rub his head on gentle hands. Cats tend to only show their underside when
they feel incredibly comfortable and confident that they will
not be hurt. That means Fanta is ready to give his love to a
family that will take good care of him. So, if you have a sunny window and a big heart, head down to Hawaiian Humane Society’s campus to see if he would be a perfect pet for your family.
Check out all available animals on Hawaiian Humane Society’s website. You can also view all the great programs and volunteer opportunities by browsing HawaiianHumane. org.
know anybody. I’ d like meet people, but I work from home, and I’ m pretty shy. The idea of having to earn people’s acceptance in a new environment (and possibly making a mess of it) leaves me tempted to stay home with Netflix and my cat. – Afraid
Social anxiety sufferers, desperate to avoid the eyeballs and judgment of others, live shrunken lives. Parties, meet- ings and classes are often out of the question, as are situations requiring “public speaking” (like the coffee line, with the ever-looming danger of being asked, “You next?”).
Along with our ancestral history, your personal histo- ry has shaped your behavior. At some point, it was proba- bly “adaptive” — functional, protective — for you to duck and cover; for example, if, like me, you were a little kid bullied by bigger, older girls. (“Out of sight; out of beat- down.”)
We tend not to unpack our fears — ask ourselves, “Yo, Self? What’s the worst that could happen if I go say hi to Hot Strangerdude?” Unless you can truthfully answer, “I’ll be snatched up and pecked to death by a pterodactyl!” there’s really no good reason not to take the plunge.
to
shyness should be defined, and they have yet to agree on a definition. However, shyness, to some extent, is a super-light shade of “social anxiety dis- order”: a debilitating fear of being “negatively evaluated” by others and then being pub- licly humiliated and socially deleted.
Mr. and Mrs. Tiger. Deeply unpleasant, and a big dead end for your genes.
the boss of you.” (Just because you have a feeling “doesn’t mean you have to go all, ‘Yes, your lordship!’ in response.”)
To be human is to err. And err. And err. Personally, I have clogged somebody’s toilet, shattered an expensive vase (“Nooo ... not Nana’s ashes!”), and knocked a guy’s red wine the length of a white-on-white living room. In my defense, not all at the same party.
Though you’re merely shy, it’s important to reflect on whether your shyness is stand- ing between you and the life you want, or ... whether it is (or has been) a good thing.
But does it make sense now to keep ducking and covering? It’s unlikely there are giant mean girls (or other childhood “monsters”) lying in wait for you. Plus, your adult “neighborhood” is vast- ly bigger than your childhood one: filled with new friends to make, should the ones you have give you the shove.
Nobody’s liked by every- body, but let’s be real: Con- trary to your worst fears, other guests at the cocktail party ar- en’t waiting for you to leave so they can compare notes on how stupid you look trying to eat a mini quiche.
VISIT HAWAIIANHUMANE.ORG
You can’t really control what happens to you, but what you can control is how you re- act: whether you “shy away” from public life or put on a brave face, hoping somebody in your circle gets arrested for bestiality and bumps you from the top of the social newsfeed.
In ancestral times, getting booted from your hunter-gath- erer band meant going it alone in a horribly harsh environ- ment, millennia before Door- Dash, or doors. If you didn’t starve to death, you might become the brunch entrée for
Changing a habit is serious- ly hard, but doable. It takes repeatedly behaving as the person you want to be. Scary — maybe even terrifying — but here’s a tip: You might feel shy, but you don’t have to act shy. As I wrote in Un(f-word!) ology: “Your feelings are not
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MidWeek’s
Pet Friends Forever
Outlined
PHOTO COURTESY HAWAIIAN HUMANE SOCIETY
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FANTA