Page 35 - MidWeek - Dec 15, 2021

Second, explore whether your compatibility with a person is surface — “I love sushi! She loves sushi!” — or sustainably deep. The ideal tool for assessing this is the best definition of love I’ve ever read, and by “best,” I mean the most practical- ly useful. It’s by Ayn Rand. (And no, I’m not one of the glassy-eyed worshippers of everything she ever said or wrote, but she nailed it on this.)
Using this “values model” to determine compatibility requires some preliminary work: figuring out your own values, meaning the prin- ciples you care most about — the guiding standards for the sort of person you want to be. If you’re in the “got- ta get started on that” stage,
Ultimately, love is nau- tical: It’s both the ship that launched a thousand sappy cliches and, more vitally, a lifeboat. In lifeboat form, it gets romantic partners through the worst of times, major and, um, somewhat less major — like when your bae spends your entire date night searching Hulu for a movie to watch. Love is dropping your phone in the goldfish bowl to keep your- self from whispering, “Hey, Siri, where’s the legal line between murder and invol- untary manslaughter?”
“Love is a response to values,” writes Rand. “It is with a person’s sense of life that one falls in love — with
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(or more). This will give you time to not just see the best in them but give it much-need- ed company: glimpses of the worst.
that essential sum, that fun- damental stand or way of facing existence, which is the essence of a personality. One falls in love with the embodiment of the values that formed a person’s char- acter, which are reflected in his widest goals or smallest gestures ... It is one’s own sense of life that acts as the selector,” identifying one’s own core values in the other person.
recognizing what isn’t love — those love fakers, lust and infatuation — should help you avoid sliding into the committed relationship nightmare zone.
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