Reasons To Love (And Hate) ‘Five-0’

‘Five-0’ crew gets high marks for acting skills, but why doesn’t Danno’s shirt get wet? Photo from Bob Jones

I watch Hawaii Five-0 religiously, except when it’s in reruns and the episode is so terrible I can’t tolerate it a second time.

I have issues with the CBS series. Some episodes are better this season. Others suffer. The actors are fantastic. How Aussie Alex O’Loughlin (born Alexander O’Lachian) manages flawless English each week stuns me. I do horrible Australian. Scott and Grace and Daniel are Actors First Class.

My complaints are about the story lines and the scripts. Where to start?

Well, either we are playing the Wo Fat game or we’re not. The game comes and goes, interjected with other stories of violence and semi-romance. The old Wo Fat was a fat and despicable guy. This one is handsome and almost likeable, and I suspect we’ll find out he is the real father of Steve McGarrett, which is why Steve’s mother didn’t shoot him when she had the chance.

Then there are the weekly murders, some more violent than others. Like the head slicing off the Mokuleia polo player or the one found in a box after an auto crash. Or the guy cooked in the imu.

I can live with that. But I’m really tired of two things.

One is that the four Five-O people never call in common police or SWAT to help when they have to take down a house or warehouse of bad guys. No, the four do it alone, wearing body armor and carrying automatics. Do the bad guys have shotguns and machine pistols? No sweat!

Then there is the search of the always-abandoned house. The four go room to room, calling out the obligatory “clear.” How about calling in SWAT with a bullhorn first? Nah, the Fearless Four don’t need those lowly, uniformed HPD cops to bust folks planning to release deadly plague!

Oh, and those shootouts with criminals – in the middle of the International Market Place, Aloha Tower complex or on Kuhio Beach. Hey, maybe a few tourists will get hit, but those are the breaks.

And after a day of falling off balconies or getting hit by cars, the gang relaxes at the beach and eats shrimp and jokes about Danno’s dreadfully unfashionable shirt that never shows any sweat.

In short, good fun but certainly not reality TV. If I were a Mainlander, I’d think HPD was a bunch of bungling bums who can’t be trusted with a homicide investigation and that even our police chief takes orders from McGarrett & Co.

Five-0 is being sold by its gorgeous scenery, not for its pithy scripts.

I predict Wo Fat will get eaten by a tiger shark with Diamond Head prominently in the background and Kamekona serving the gang spicy shrimp at his wagon.

McGarrett will say: “Sic transit.”

They think he means rail sucks. They all laugh.

Fade out.