Page 19 - MidWeek - Jan 11, 2023

“Please,” the subject line began, “either don’t publish your picture, shave that ri- diculous facial hair or retire, all acceptable choices.”
“Dear Editor: When D. L. Stewart wrote the column about his vasectomy, he cut his throat.”
your column. It’s the first thing I read every morning. Sometimes you make me laugh, sometimes you make me smile. But I always love to read what you have to say. Keep up the good work. You’re the greatest. PS, my husband thinks you stink.”
In the year of the Rabbit, good fortune awaits you.
For the record, I’ ve never understood why columnists’ photos are published along with their essays in the first place. Perhaps it’s for the same reason some realtors have photos of themselves on their “for sale” signs.
(I still worry about that reader’s understanding of male anatomy.)
messages.
“Dear Mr. Stewart: I love
JANUARY 11, 2023 MIDWEEK 19
Exactly 11 hours and 42 minutes into the new year, the first fan letter of 2023 reached my email’s inbox.
PATERNITY WARD
D. L. Stewart
‘Hair’ We Go Again
With Triggered Readers
family was growing at an alarming rate, for example, I decided to undergo a surgi- cal procedure and my editor convinced me to write about it. He got the best letter.
public (and pubic) display?” Some conveyed mixed
Speaking of anatomy, I covered a Miss America pageant one year and wrote favorably about the talent of an entrant, which was belly dancing.
Other times there’s no equivocation.
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And I’m not sure what triggered the reader’s ire, although my column that morning had been a hard-hit- ting piece about the contro- versial subject of eggnog. Or maybe it was a long-smol- dering reaction to equally hard-hitting columns about pickleball, brownies and dog toys that resemble liquor bottles.
“Dear DL: Surely you jest. Let me give you an anatomy lesson. The hip bone, connected to the thigh bone, equals the erotic zone. Would you really want your daughter to put on such a
“I often wondered why your articles were uncouth, boorish, common and vulgar. Now it’s clear. God, are you ugly.”
But my ridiculous facial hair and I are happy to hear any and all opinions. Be- cause the only reaction that bothers a columnist is no re- action at all.
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Whatever the cause, my ridiculous facial hair and I appreciated the message, because it proved there still are readers out there. Be- sides, negative reactions go with the territory. Dave Bar- ry gets negative mail. Erma Bombeck got negative mail. If he’d been a columnist, Mr. Rogers would’ve gotten neg- ative mail.
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But if you get 100 letters and 99 of them praise you, the one you remember is the one that didn’t. So while I can’t recall the positive ones, I still can quote from memory negative reactions received throughout 47 years of columnizing.
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