Page 29 - MidWeek - March 2, 2022

Some Do’s And Don’ts Of Modern Dating
I’ m a guy who falls into relationships too easily, end- ing up with women I’m not particularly interested in. I thought I had discriminating taste, but obviously my rela- tionship track record says otherwise. How can I grow up and stop being so impul- sive? – Disturbed
We humans have a pow- erful longing to be in a long- term love thing, and probably because of that, we’re far less choosy about romantic part- ners than we believe we are — at every stage of a relationship. Social psychologist Samantha Joel finds we have a GO! GO! GO! bias in romantic relation- ships: a strong tendency to make decisions that move a relationship forward, from the
“What men want, women want.” Um, no. Note that you never hear dudes complaining to the bros, “Eww! So gross!” about getting unsolicited boob pics — first, because they nev- er get them, but if they did, it’d be like they caught the boobie leprechaun with the pot of nymphomaniac hotties at the end of the cul-de-sac.
“conspicuous consumption” — flashy, wastefully extrava- gant displays of wealth — is triggered by “short-term mat- ing goals.” In plain English: “Yeah, he wants a lasting rela- tionship — lasting from about 3 a.m. to sunup.”
first night we meet our soon- to-be beloved to the 615th time they go all human nightmare on us.
ward (and actually stick to that and vamoose). Avoid marathon calls and texts.
Women seeking a relation- ship tend to be turned off by the conspicuous display of abs (versus a guy “inconspicuous- ly” showing he’s fit), and the display of the sick-expensive car is likewise a fail. Social psychologist Jill Sundie and her colleagues find a man’s motivation to engage in
Women read this signal loud and clear, which is why you boyfriend-seeking ladies are “grossed out.” Guys will counter, “But wait ... women like men with money!” Well, yeah, but there’s some nuance to that. Women seeking more than a three-hour sex tour are primed by evolution to find a man who’ll “invest” — and not just in his “baby” (aka his 911 Turbo S).
As for you, understanding that falling in love is often the twin of falling in an open manhole is a start. In the early stages, take it slow and sober. Meet for coffee for an hour, and have someplace to be after-
Finally, in a world where we all experience harsh challenges every day, like the Uber driver arriving five minutes late, it’s easier than ever for people to contain their worst qualities. It might take you a year to know someone’s true character. This suggests it’s wise to hold off on “entwinements” (like sharing a pad) till you’ve seen enough to answer the unfun questions, such as, “Hmm ... what’s the likelihood I’ll end up emotion- ally and financially eviscerated and then dumped in a ditch to be picked apart by buzzards?”
People find all sorts of rea- sons to stay when every mol- ecule of sense they have is screaming “FLEE!” Being in love is, obviously, a biggie, as is fear of being single (and the stigma that can go along). Breakups also become “logis- tically difficult” when partners’ lives become “intertwined,” through marriage, moving in together, or merging their groups of friends.
When you’re into some- body, see whether they’re a good fit by holding them up to your standards for a partner.
MARCH 2, 2022 MIDWEEK 29
I’m female, 25, straight, single and looking for a boyfriend on dat- ing apps, as are my female friends. We’re all wondering what’s with these guys who post profile photos of them- selves lying across the hood of a Lamborghini with their ridiculous greased abs on dis- play. It’s like the opposite of cool; it’s immature, ostenta- tious, clueless and tacky. Se- riously, is there reasoning behind this behavior? My friends all agree it’s a major turnoff. – Grossed Out
There’s this notion that men and women are just people with different fun parts and
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