Page 25 - MidWeek - Dec 29, 2021

DECEMBER 29, 2021 MIDWEEK 25
My husband and I are in our 50s, married 25 years. I married for life, but I didn’t expect our initially happy marriage to turn into a dull housemates situation. With our children away at col- lege, there’s no distraction from my husband’s lack of interest in having a fun, in- teresting life or even trying to be interesting to me. Most disturbingly, he isn’t inter- ested in sex — at least with me — though I’m fit and still get called “beautiful.” I’ m envious of my 50-something friend, now shacked up with her new partner. They are so effusively fulfilled together, domestically and sexually, that it makes me want to vomit whenever we meet for dinner. I can only imagine the fun and sex they’re having. Do you think I should follow their lead? – Bored Wife
A Listless Union With Rust Issues
even if he wanted to want you again. We’re sexually excited by the new and out of reach, and you can’t become a sexy strang- er for him to pursue.
You went into marriage with the best of intentions — mar- rying “for life” — but you’re now left with two options: 1. Part company with having any sort of sensual relationship that doesn’t require vow breakage. 2. Part company with your husband. If you’ re inclined toward the latter, some inner voice might rise up to scold you, “Whatever happened to ‘Till death do us part’?!” Sure, that’s the deal you signed up for, but consider whether you think living the next 30 years like you’re sexually embalmed should count. Personally, as a never-married, seize-the-day type, I’ m planning to be the hussy of the senior care facility — the subject of endless gossip by resentful elderly busybodies.
There’s “Marriage, The Fan- tasy” — the gauzy gloriousness you see in wedding dress com- mercials — and then there’s “Marriage, The Unadvertised Reality”: Eventually, your spouse could die at the breakfast table, and you might not notice till dinner.
can’t do — just when medical advances have us taking longer than ever to go facedown in the Cream of Wheat.
Until about 200 years ago, marriage was a vital system for powerful moneybags families to forge political alliances, merge fortunes, and even make peace treaties (lest Europe play host to the, um, Hapsburgs and the McCoys). We of the stinking masses did this on a smaller scale, like by marrying off our daughter to the son of the farm- er with the enviable potato fields butting up to ours.
There is a defibrillator of sorts for flatlining marital excitement: an ongoing variety of surprising experiences — big and small, daily and weekly. Neuroscien- tist Wolfram Schultz finds that “unpredictable rewards” — aka surprises — can be three or four times as exciting to us as those we’re used to. To take advantage of this, spouses might alternate weeks bringing each other on a mystery date — taking into ac- count personal preferences and medical issues, lest the surprise take a surprise turn: “Betcha didn’t guess we’d be drinking Benadryl nightcaps in the ER!”
Garfield is a 3-year-old male cat that loves attention. However, whatever you do, please do not give him lasagna. Garfield will win you over with his adorable meow and chubby cheeks. He is FIV+, which means he will need to be an indoor-only cat. FIV rarely impacts the ability of a cat to live a long and healthy life, and FIV is not contagious to humans. Garfield likes to be the star of his show, so he would prefer not to live with other cats. He will make the perfect buddy to watch television with, but he might tease your dog.
If you are interested in adopting this lovable cat, visit Hawaiian Humane Society’s Mō‘ili’ili campus. Appointments are no longer necessary to adopt; just let an adoption representative know once you have met your next best friend. All available animals can be seen online at hawaiianhuamne. org. The website updates in real-time so you always know what
animals are available before you visit.
VISIT HAWAIIANHUMANE.ORG
In other words, the com- mon modern expectation that a spouse be one’s lifetime roman- tic and sexual excitement pro- vider gives marriage a job it was never set up to do — and really
Admittedly, this is rather weak tea to throw at the prob- lem disturbing you most: being sexually abandoned by your husband. It’s probably impossi- ble to solve and likely would be
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PHOTO COURTESY HAWAIIAN HUMANE SOCIETY
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Pet Friends Forever
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