Page 28 - MidWeek - July 21, 2021

28 MIDWEEK JULY 21, 2021
M y roommate and I are best friends, and we’ ve lived together for four years. Re- cently, she got into a pretty serious relationship, and it seems her priorities have to- tally shifted. Is a best friend always second place to a boyfriend? Or are they both
THE SCIENCE ADVICE GODDESS Amy Alkon
Sittin’ On The Dock Of A Bestie And Her Bae
Evolution “does not give a fig about our happiness.” It likewise doesn’t care whether we have friends, save for how they might help us survive and pass on our genes.
of equal value? —Hurt
Psychiatrist and evolu- tionary medicine founder Randolph Nesse sums up the grim reality: Evolution “does
not give a fig about our happi- ness.” It likewise doesn’t care whether we have friends, save for how they might help us survive and pass on our genes.
orities personally. I use that understanding — despite finding kids loud, sticky and expensive — to be supportive of friends who are moms of young kids. I insist to them that it’s OK if they need to put off a call or drinks we’ve planned when they’ re wiped from work plus momming. An important caveat: These
A female best friend can do a lot to make you happy. It can feel like a betrayal to be downgraded in your bestie’s life when a serious boyfriend comes around. However, evo- lution’s ultimately to blame.
ing them to generations after us, explains biologist Richard Dawkins in The Selfish Gene.
are dear friends who show up for me if I’m in need; I’m not rolling over for a bunch of userish socio-Pattys.
“We are survival machines — robot vehicles blindly pro- grammed” by evolution to preserve our genes by pass-
Simply put, we’ re each a big flesh bus driven by our genes, subconsciously steered to do their bidding.
You likewise might consid- er reconfiguring your expec- tations so you two can stay friends and you won’t make her feel she has to choose between you and the guy. You’d surely lose that battle — which means you and she would both end up losing.
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This sounds cold, but un- derstanding the evolutionary reality can help you stay in your friend’s life and keep her in yours — perhaps with- out taking her shift in pri-
Supposedly, an “intimate” relationship is the sort you have with a man you love, but when was the last time coffee with your bestie ran long and you faked an orgasm so you could get on with your day?
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