Page 33 - MidWeek - July 14, 2021

THE SCIENCE ADVICE GODDESS Amy Alkon
Living On A Thin Line Between Love And Bait
We sometimes explain things to ourselves in ways that don’t so much lay out the facts as they provide an airbag for our feelings. Take a question I often hear from readers: “Why did he/she stop returning my calls?” Helpfully, many suggest the most likely explanation right in their email — something like, “I just know they were kidnapped by the Russian mob.” Right. And they’ re probably still tied up in an abandoned warehouse, being tortured till they give in — agree to withdraw and hand over the entire $36.72 in their checking account.
Sysco
Hawai‘i
O‘ahu
Now Hiring Delivery Drivers
Though female tears can be a sort of kryptonite for
Chances are, when your guy was with this other woman the first time around, he felt out of his league, perhaps sensing that, on a 1-to-10 scale, he’s, say,a6toher8.9.Ifthiswas
Additionally, though it’s unlikely the guy planned this,
JULY 14, 2021 MIDWEEK 33
My relationship with a man I’ d been dating was getting serious. His previous relationship ended when his girlfriend dumped him. Last month, he ran into her and told her he was seeing me. She began crying and begged him to take her back. He was torn about what to do. I told him his feelings for her weren’t romantic but stemmed from a sense of obligation. He still went back to her, and now they’re engaged. I’m furious. Why would he choose to be with someone who dumped him? How can I prevent this from happening to me again? – Outraged
straight men, I’m sorry to say it’s unlikely this other wom- an’s boohoos and a sense of obligation on your guy’s part mind-controlled him into go- ing back to her.
the case, he probably acted somewhat needy and clingy: qualities that are not exactly ladybait. She, in turn, probably sensed she could do better and put him out on the curb.
you probably served as bait to bring his girlfriend back. Social psychologists Jessica Parker and Melissa Burkley find that single women (but not those in relationships) rate a man as “significantly” more desirable and pursuit-worthy when they’re told he’s taken.
involves dumping the part- ner who’s done nothing but love them for the partner who dumped them but is willing to take them back.
There’s this notion that rela- tionships simply involve two people who love each other making each other happy. Sup- posedly, once you’ve got that, it’s all cartoon birdies, butter- flies and flowers till you’ re both sleeping out eternity in side-by-side cemetery plots.
But then something changed that changed him: He got a woman (you) who made him feel loved and wanted, which likely shifted his demeanor from needy-clingy to comfort- ably confident. Assuming this was what went on, you basi- cally provided him with the ro- mantic version of going to the grocery store on a full stomach to avoid standing weeping in the doughnut aisle.
Of course you’ re hurt and disappointed. But it sounds like you also feel cheated to some degree, like something you deserve was stolen from you. There’s a tendency to think love should be “fair,” meaning whatever you put into a rela- tionship, you’re owed in return. In fact, people in relationships ultimately act in their own self-interest. That sometimes
Understanding this is no guarantee you won’t get hurt. However, if you’ re realistic about love — recognizing you can’t expect it to be fair — and about the danger from potential mate poachers, you might have a shot at amping up your game and fending them off. To be on the alert for them, keep in mind the physical features that make a man especially attractive to a single woman on the prowl: broad shoulders, a chiseled jaw, and big perky boobs on the girlfriend sitting on his lap.
Sysco Hawai‘i is searching for a few candidates to join our team. Sysco is the global leader in selling, marketing and distributing food products to restaurants, healthcare and educational facilities, lodging establishments and other customers who prepare meals away from home.
Great Benefits Including:
􏰀 $22+ per hour (Depending on A or B License & Experience) 􏰀 $2,000 Sign On + $4,000 after 6 months + $4,000 after 1 year 􏰀 Free Medical, Drug, Vision and Dental Insurance
􏰀 Holidays, Personal Days, Vacation, & Sick Leave
􏰀 401k Plan and Employee Stock
Other Available Positions on All Islands:
• Hilo CDL Drivers
• Maui CDL Drivers
• O‘ahu & Hilo Night Warehouse
Supervisors
Apply online:
careers.sysco.com
EEO/AA-M/F/DISABILITY/PROTECTED VETERAN STATUS/GENETIC DATA ©2020 All Rights Reserved. Sysco Corporation, 379557