Page 6 - MidWeek - July 7, 2021

6 MIDWEEK JULY 7, 2021
Rotten
Fast Cars And False Cracks
BY CHRIS MCKINNEY
PAPAYAS
L ike many now, I work completely from home. Last week, I was feeling restless, so I de- cided to go on a little adven- ture. I jumped in my car and went to see a movie at Regal Kapolei Commons. The late morning traffic was light, so I arrived early. Inside, I grabbed a Nathan’s Famous hot dog, popcorn and diet soda and entered the theater. I sat and reclined the seat. It was won- derful. It felt like I was flying first class to places unknown. I was about to watch F9. Yes, the latest from the Fast & Furious
franchise.
Before you judge, let me
say this: Mine was a childhood filled with toy cars of every sort and T-shirts by Karin cars. I loved cars for as long as I can remember. And a Fast & Fu- rious film never fails in show- casing mobile art. This latest installment outdoes itself. Big cars, small cars, cars of all types, rolled and flung around like buckets of Hot Wheels in the hands of a joyful toddler. You want a car in space? You get a car in space. F9 makes a John Wick film look like a doc- umentary. It’s an absurd, visual spectacle restomodded and su- percharged to be viewed in a theater. Streaming this at home would be like hitting the track
in a Prius instead of a Hellcat. There probably isn’t a film critic alive who has given this movie a stellar review. There probably isn’t a fan alive who cares. I’ ll admit that I loved it. Part of the reason why is because I recognize that it de- liberately breaks the laws of physics. In fact, it’s all reminis- cent of the bygone age of the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coy- ote. Even one of the charac- ters, Roman Pearce (played by Tyrese Gibson), continuously points out the impossibility of it all throughout the story. That’s what Godzilla vs. Kong lacked, among other things. A confession of self-awareness. I
lize Theron and Helen Mirren appear in the movie, and it looks like they’re having fun. Both Vin Diesel and John Cena look properly weathered. I was happy to see Sung Kang rejoin the cast. And in one particular scene, Nathalie Emmanuel truly shines. She’s at the wheel during one of the many, many car chases. The only problem is she’s a Londoner who has never learned how to drive. This scene, and the film over- all, is the closest thing to live action Looney Tunes that I’ve ever seen.
when I walk out, the more
(From left) Ludacris, Anna Sawai and Vin Diesel star in F9, the latest installment of the Fast & Furious franchise. PHOTO BY JORDAN STRAUSS/INVISION/AP
satisfying experience I had be- cause I couldn’t help but over- do it. My stepdad used to say (just one of the many inappro- priate things he taught me) that if you’re going to false crack someone, catch them coming out of a chop suey joint.
got so caught up in the excess that halfway through I went back to the concession and grabbed a pepperoni pizza.
Well, F9 falsed me. I don’t think I left a theater feeling any sicker. Regal Kapolei Com- mons, with its friendliness, food and comfort, is a fantastic place to duck out of the sum- mer heat and indulge in a visual and cheat day extravaganza. I highly, highly recommend it.
I won’t bog you down with a story synopsis. F9 plucks at the familiar thematic heartstrings of family and forgiveness. However, I will say that Char-
I judge a movie theater and chop suey dining experience the same. The sicker I feel
chrismckinney808@gmail.com
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