Page 33 - MidWeek - March 3, 2021

MARCH 3, 2021 MIDWEEK 31
I’ m a woman in my 20s. Some stuff in my life was going really wrong, and I got depressed. I didn’t tell people, but it had to be obvious. I distanced my- self from my group of girl- friends, meaning I missed birthday parties, didn’t respond to group texts and was overall not a great friend. Still, I did what I could, like taking a friend for a spa day after missing her birthday the week be- fore. Weeks later, I learned she was still harboring re- sentment that I had missed her birthday. Don’t I de- serve a bit of a break?
–Feeling Better Now
THE SCIENCE ADVICE GODDESS Amy Alkon Hello, Morose-Colored Glasses
Charles was found as a stray in Wai‘anae. Hawaiian Humane Society’s veterinary services team was able to help Charles with his dental issues and get him on track to be adoption- ready. His personality shines even brighter now that he is feeling better.
This lively terrier-mix is ready for his next adventure with a family that will take good care of him. He is wary
of strangers at first but will become best buds with anyone who shows him affection. Charles is 8 years old, and his adoption fee is waived for people 55 and older.
If you are interested in adopting Charles, schedule an appointment. Hawaiian Humane Society’s website is updated in real-time, so you’re always able to view what animals are currently available.
On the day of your friend’s birthday, you felt like quite the party animal — if, by “party animal,” we mean “rat lying cold and dead in the corner of the cage.”
function. They slow you down, plant you on the couch, and force you to rethink and change unworkable situations in your life: dump that jerk, stand up to your boss, fake your death and move to Croatia.
girlfriends assumed you were socially sloppy, inconsiderate and a bad friend — instead of understanding that you were a friend in need.
Depression gets a bad rap. It can be a terrible, dysfunctional thing when it’s caused by brain abnormalities or persists with- out end. However, psychiatrist Randolph Nesse says that hu- man emotions, including the feel-bad ones, are psycholog- ical programs that evolved to solve recurring mating and survival issues. When you’re mired in frustrating, unreward- ing endeavors, symptoms of depression like hopelessness and fatigue appear to have a
Sadness is also a strong social signal. When we see someone’s sad, we’re moti- vated to comfort them (or at least cut them some slack). In an ancestral environment, countless centuries before apartments with locking doors, your friends would have no- ticed you were depressed. In a modern environment, suf- fering often remains hidden. In other words, it’s possible this woman and your other
Take stock of the girlfriends around you and figure out whom you can trust to be real friends to you: those you can show who you really are, in- cluding all the sobby parts. Friends like that will mop up for you socially (in tactful ways) at times when your an- swer to, “Hi, how are you?” is likely to be: “Actually, I’m going to die alone, and then nobody will discover the body until the UPS guy comes to the wrong house and nearly keels over from the smell.”
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MidWeek’s
Pet Friends Forever
Outlined
PHOTO COURTESY HAWAIIAN HUMANE SOCIETY