Breaking the Silence, Building Strength

Juliet Lighter-Kamm (top right) shares a picture-perfect moment with several students who’ve participated in Women Speaking Out educational programs and events: (from left) Angelica Pascua,
Madison Hauanio and Nicole Ines. Photo by Lawrence Tabudlo

Women Speaking Out and its founder, Juliet Lighter-Kamm, want to end dating/domestic violence by encouraging the community to “speak up, speak out and speak love.”

Theresa Cachuela. Laau Jordan Laulusa. Dana Alotaibi. Elizabeth Fernandez. In recent years, all four were killed in domestic violence attacks locally. Add in the assaults on Kristelle Taliulu and Davina Licon in Mililani and Danying Zhang near Ala Moana and it’s evident there’s a rise in violence against women.

“I didn’t know these women personally, but I make it a point that in every talk I do, I bring up their names,” says Juliet Lighter-Kamm, founder of nonprofit Women Speaking Out.

Her organization focuses on preventing dating violence through education, resources and collective action — and this year celebrates 15 years of strengthening the lives of the next generation. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but Lighter-Kamm notes that the issue is prevalent year-round.

“In Hawai‘i, violence against women is in your face,” says Lighter-Kamm, herself a survivor of domestic violence. “We as a community can no longer ignore this social issue.”

WSO began as a grassroots nonprofit focused on educating youth in high schools and colleges about dating violence. Now, Lighter-Kamm has elementary schools reaching out to her.

“It’s happening at a much younger age because of social media and this youngest generation being sexually active earlier,” she says. “They’re also replicating what they see at home. If their parents are abusive to one another or violent, they’re going to replicate that at school.”

Lighter-Kamm is familiar with how domestic violence propagates. Her grandmother and mother suffered at the hands of abusive partners, too.

“I found myself in multiple violent relationships, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially; abuse comes in many different forms and can happen to anyone,” Lighter-Kamm says. “It’s an issue here in Hawai‘i or in Asian cultures where you don’t talk about violence at home to others.”

Brutality of that sort thrives in silence. When the abused or witnesses don’t speak out or seek help, it perpetuates the cycle and trickles down to subsequent generations. That notion was the genesis for WSO, whose motto is “speak up, speak out, speak love.”

Currently, WSO is the only organization in the state focused on preventing dating violence through education. It believes that’s the key.

“(Students are) the ones that will make a difference,” Lighter-Kamm says. “And we don’t just teach them about healthy relationships. We teach them things like financial literacy and goal-setting, things I wish I had 25 years ago when I was in my first abusive relationship.”

Working with youth has been an inspiration for Lighter-Kamm, who notes that boys are now a big part of WSO’s programming.

“This new generation, they’re more ‘woke,’ more aware and not afraid to share their stories or call people out,” she says. “More boys are saying something when they see (it happening) at school and they’re getting involved with us to protect their friends.”

And Lighter-Kamm wants the rest of Hawai‘i to have the courage to speak out.

To inspire that change, WSO and its board (led by volunteer president Theresa Schubert) have announced five additional impactful initiatives. With the help of volunteer marketing director Cydney Chu, WSO is ramping up plans for its The Future is Bright program, self-defense classes, a support group, a partnership with Girls Court and a monthly giving campaign.

The Future is Bright provides free education to high schools, covering life skills, financial literacy, goal-setting, mental health and more. This program also awards $10,000 in scholarships to WSO student ambassadors.

“I’ve had boys come up to me and ask, ‘Miss, is your organization only for girls?’” Lighter-Kamm recalls. “So we created an offshoot program called Students Speaking Out (led by volunteer director Julie Chu Fieman).

“One of the boys, a Farrington football player, said, ‘I admire what you’re doing. My mom is in an abusive relationship and I see her get hit every week.’ He joined Students Speaking Out and he got other football players to join.”

Last year, WSO began offering women-led self-defense classes in partnership with Women Empowered. The most recent one took place Oct. 13, and past workshops have helped women at Leeward Community College, Hawai‘i Pacific University and Hawai‘i Dental Service. These lessons teach participants how to protect themselves through sitting and standing techniques.

“You don’t need strength, it’s all about leverage,” explains Lighter-Kamm.

WSO will also be bringing back its quarterly support groups for dating violence survivors next year. Participants share their stories (or just listen) and obtain resources.

“I’ve had my organization for 15 years and the hurt doesn’t go away,” Lighter-Kamm admits. “The trauma and pain get better, but it’ll be with us forever. Our support group has been healing for me. I can talk to other women and know I’m not alone.”

To help young victims, WSO has also partnered with the Hawai‘i State Judiciary’s Girls Court. The program is geared toward girls ages 12-18 who have committed some kind of minor crime, and helps them escape the cycle of abuse.

“These young women come from unimaginable tragedy prior to their crimes,” explains Lighter-Kamm. “They’ve experienced violence, child pornography, sex trafficking, neglect, abuse, drugs, homelessness, the gamut.”

WSO hosts bimonthly confidence-building workshops with program participants focused on makeup application, self-care and an empowering talk-story with current Miss Hawai‘i USA Breea Yamat.

“Our message to these young women is, ‘Your circumstances don’t define you,’” says Lighter-Kamm. “You can rewrite your story. You might have some bad chapters but you get an education, get help and can write new ones of hope.”

Finally, WSO started a monthly giving campaign to raise money for its various programs — sign up at wsohawaii.org/donate. Those who sign up in October will get a free WSO travel bag filled with goodies.

There’s no doubt that WSO has done a lot for the community in its first 15 years, and Lighter-Kamm’s goals for the future will double down on that effort.

“I will continue this fight until the day I die,” she says. “I will be a voice for the women who cannot speak because they’ve been killed, or those who are too afraid right now to admit they’re in an abusive relationship or scared to leave. I’ll be a voice for the young girls and boys who are in the middle of something bad and don’t know how to get out.”